Nightlight: A Parody by The Harvard Lampoon

For those of you who desire the short, sweet version, Nightlight is a parody of Twilight. The basic storyline is similar enough to mock Twilight, yet different enough to be its own work of fiction. Belle Goose moves from Pheonix to Switchblade, Oregon to live with her father Jim, a window wiper. Belle has an obsession with dating a vampire. At her new school, she meets Edwart Mullen, a super-hot (yet fictitious) computer nerd with such a lack of social skills, one could argue he has negative social skills. After noticing a few events, such as Edwart leaving his lunch untouched, Belle realizes Edwart is a vampire. Clearly, this girl is a master of the scientific method.

I would say more in my quick summary, but I don't want to spoil the book! It's a very short read. Therefore, the summary is also short. Ironically, my summary for the 400 something page Twilight is about the same length... Quality beats quantity, which is why I recommend Nightlight over Twilight. Nightlight is hilarious! The book is like a Mel Brooks' movie. It's totally cheesy, it's a bit stupid at times, but overall, it is amazing! Some parts will make you laugh out loud (which you can shorten to "lol" if you wish). Other parts will seem a bit over-the-top and stupid. However, the length of the book makes the stupid parts less annoying.

There's not a whole lot to review in regards to this book. It's a parody. Is it funny? Yes. Therefore, it is a success. I recommend reading it, for kicks and giggles.

Four humorous daggers out of five.






Yours vampirically,
Gabriel Gethin

Peeps by Scott Westerfeld

Okay, so we’ve all read vampire novels. You know, Twilight (excellent!!), that kind of thing. But Peeps gives us a new angle on the whole vampire theme. In Peeps, vampirism is a disease, actually a parasite, transmitted through saliva. Cal, an otherwise average kid in his early twenties, has had the misfortune to be infected with the parasite after a wild night with an enigmatic woman named Morgan. But he’s one of the lucky ones. The ordinary symptoms of the parasite are insanity, bloodlust, and intense aversion to light and to the things the infected person once liked. Cal is just a carrier, one of the lucky 1% of “peeps”- parasite positives- whose only symptoms are an extended lifespan, superior reflexes and strength, and intense cravings for meat.

Before Cal knew he had the parasite, though, he infected several girlfriends. So now, he’s a member of a secret organization, the Night Watch, dedicated to eradicating the parasite. But when Cal discovers a secret basement with a peep-cat, even though cats are not supposed to be a host for the parasite, and other mysterious occurrences, the Night Watch is stunned. Something odd is going on, and it’s up to Cal to find out what.

This is a fairly entertaining book. Granted, not one of Scott-la’s best works, but not his worst either. The first two-thirds of the book were awesome, but then I kind of lost interest and the ending was pretty lame. I still have to say, though, worth reading. I especially liked the way the book included information about real-life parasites (although don’t read these if you have a weak stomach!) It’s got that typical Scott-la style that makes you want to keep reading, even when you get to the lame ending.

I rate this book three-and-a-half daggers, and I will be reading the sequel, The Last Days.



Yours,
Tay-la

Breaking Dawn By Stephenie Meyer

This review was originally written to go on Toad Hill, but I, Twyla Lee, sneakily stole it to put it up on 3 Evil Cousins. After this review, we just might have to adopt Briar Kasvi.

Breaking Dawn is the fourth, and last book in the Twilight Saga, books focusing on clumsy, lovable Bella Swan, and her supernatural boyfriend, Edward Cullen. If you haven't read these books yet, run away from this review, dash to the store, and pick up Twilight. As Boodle's awesome review expressed, Twilight is super.

See, for the past year, I was totally obsessed with Twilight, loved the characters, the world, the books, obviously. My friends and I made up Twilight games, pretended we were werewolves (go ahead, call us geeky), and just basked in the glory of these books that were, ultimately made of coolness. Bella, in the first three books, was easy to identify with, klutzy, human, and with the luck to be adored by an amazing supernatural being, whom any girl (including me) would easily fall in love with. They were great, with fierce fights between vampire and werewolf, vampire and human, vampire and vampire. So of course, I looked upon the release of Breaking Dawn with mounting anticipation.

I was deeply disappointed.

The first 100 or so pages consisted of little but lengthy descriptions of the birds and the bees, followed by bloody, violent, graphic pain coming to our much loved heroine, Bella. I cringed to read it, disappointed in the lack of interest or focus on the supernatural, feeling it was inappropriate to include so much about sex in a book that was aimed at not just teens, but tweens as well, like us.

True, the second half of the novel improved a good bit, with the introduction of a wonderfully lovable new character (who, by the way, possessed one of the worst names known to man, toad, or vampire), and the reappearance of the Volturi, exciting villains hailing from Italy. Though the resolution to their visit was not as exciting as I wished, I enjoyed watching Bella discover her vampire power.

So. I was just really, really sad to see a series that I loved with so much devotion close with a novel that I found to not be much better than any sappy love story… just… disappointing is clearly the operative word here. It was interesting the way they introduced the point of view of another character, and, living amongst animals, I found it quite a useful insight into the world of wolves. The second part of the book is pretty good, not as good as the first book, and not good enough to redeem the whole thing, but pretty good all the same. I liked learning about all the different vampires.

Anyway. Though I ADORED the first three books, and would certainly give them a full five stars, I feel I have to do this, as an honest reviewer… It pains me to give a book in the twilight saga anything less than a million stars, as the world of vampires, and all but the last book deserve, but I am going to give Breaking Dawn two stars.

And yes. This book has dulled my imagination, spirit, and overwhelming awesomisticness (modesty too, it seems), enough so that I am not even creative enough to come up with anything cooler than stars.

Note: This book is seriously, unpleasantly gruesome, I described one of the scenes to my sixteen year old sister and showed her the passage, and she was cringing and whining (at me, grr) for the rest of the day. I wish I hadn't read this book—the more I thought about it afterwards, the worse it got.

...so

Briar Kasvi

City of Ashes

City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare is fast-paced, exciting, hilarious, and heartbreaking.

In City of Bones, the first book, Clary Fray’s world is turned upside-down. She has never thought of herself as being anything other than ordinary, until she sees a group of teenagers kill a demon—and finds that no one else can see them. Soon after that, Clary’s mother mysteriously disappears, and she is plunged into a world in which vampires and werewolves are real. She discovers that she is a Shadowhunter—a race of demon-slayers. To top it all off, she finds herself caught in a nasty love triangle with Simon, her best friend, and Jace, an arrogant, handsome Shadowhunter. Just as she seems to be falling for Jace, she finds out that Valentine, the villainous man who kidnapped her mother* is her father, and Jace is her brother. Oops.


As City of Ashes begins, Clary’s mother is lying in the hospital in a coma, the Clave** suspects that Jace is a spy for his father, and Clary is very romantically confused.

Valentine goes after the second Mortal Instrument, the Soul-Sword, and is more of a jerk than ever. Jace is an angry, angst-ridden teenager.*** Simon seems to be becoming more than a friend to Clary, but she’s still struggling with her feelings for Jace. And—my word! Is our love triangle becoming more of a… love… square? Indeed it is! Speaking of love shapes, Alec gets a boyfriend.****

On top of all the aforementioned drama, Clary and Jace seem to be discovering mysterious powers. And, of course, there is still the lingering question: are they really siblings?*****

City of Ashes is fabulous—at least as good as City of Bones, if not better. Also, there are more flying motorcycles.

I give City of Ashes four and one-half daggers.

*He also stole the Mortal Cup, which is used to make more Shadowhunters, so that he can build an ARMY OF DOOM.
** That’s the big scary Shadowhunter government.
*** But really, he has every right to his emo-ness.
**** No, I’m not telling who it is. I think you can figure it out if you try, though.
***** I’m hoping no.

Riding a flying motorcycle, battling Valentine, and hoping beyond hope that Jace and Clary aren't related,

PS City of Ashes comes out on March 25.


Avery adds:

Here I sit, reveling in the glorious-ness of the Advanced Reader Copy.
Very little is more satisfying than reading a book that is not yet on the shelf. That being said, City of Ashes is a particular type of ARC. Not only is it not yet available for the reading pleasure of the general public...It's really good! Vampires, werewolves, betrayal, corruption, love shapes, and Jace Wayland, all wrapped up in a lovely package of well written awesomeness.

I laughed. I cried. I ranted passionately to Aislinn about the events that transpired. (Which was rather frustrating, I might add, as I couldn't rant to her until she'd finished reading it.)

In short, City of Ashes is an awesome book.

Four and a half seraph blades...er...that is, daggers!

Shadowhunter-wannabe-ly,